Apparently time is an issue..

In the army, there is not a lot of time to sit down and give an reasonable update, on what has been going on. 

But, I made it! 

After 3 months of training, hopeless sleep cycles and shitloads of really hard work I am now sitting in an office chair looking out on an empty road, waiting for some action that will most likely never happen. But I love it, trust me after 3 months of doing everything I´ve learnt to appreciate doing nothing. Some things have changed, I have love and lost. Hated life, while carrying a shitload of stuff everyday in a bag that is over the half of my own size. I swear If I tried to bend backwards, I´d fall right on my back. Everyday for 30 days, everywhere we went we had to carry a bag weighing around 20 kg, plus combat gear (10kg), and of course our weapon (4,5kg). Mini me, isn’t taller than 161 cm, and I weigh around 53 kg. Basically I carried more than 50 percent of my own weight. Of course, now I feel like Rambo jr. 

But why stop there, sometimes they felt like we needed to run..with everything and some more. Oh lets just add on some 120 kg sandbags on a hospital-bed (military- style) in the forest, mud, sand..every-fuckingwhere for a couple of hours. I thought they might stop there, cause I literally felt like I was dying at that point. But no, why should life be easy? On the last day of the final course we went through, they took all our food. After we had been out in the field, playing war and with a lack of sleep, they decided too keep us occupied for 12 hours straight with obstacles, running, push-ups, crawling and dying. I didn’t die, and eventually the good news came along when they told us at we had finished the course and were suited to be soldiers. 

I have never ever felt so dead, but so proud that I actually got through it. 

I have finally started working in force protection at Gardermoen military airline station. Although there is a lot of the things that I´ve experienced that I can’t tell you about. I promise you it was worth the hard work. 

Update @ The Norwegian Air Force

Can’t say I had a lot of patience, when I started this new life of mine. But after 3 days containing almost 3 hours waiting just to get to the dentist, to find I had perfectly healthy teeth. And to the doctor to be told that I’m very healthy, I figured; what the heck. I have just been through the first days of the recruiting process with every little practical thing, such as clothing and how to behave properly and salute the higher officers in the Norwegian Navy and Air Force.
So much fun and excitement but exhausting never the less. Waking up at 06.00 pm and ending the day, 12 hours later takes a lot of your energy.
Just a minor update, can’t say I have a lot of time online, but I love it.
Over and out!

The small things

“Oh my gosh, It’s like 4 days until I’m going into unknown territories. And I haven’t even started before my body starts to bruise everywhere. In these past few weeks, I have been tripping over things, bumping into dinner- tables and stepped in the wrong shoes just to get huge scars on the back of my heels.”

I have also watched a bit too much of the TV- series Hart of Dixie, so the southern lingo comes from there. Anyways, lately I’ve started appreciating the small things in life, especially the feminine stuff. I am glorifying my skin with facial masks that smells like pomegranate and soothes the skin with cucumber-water before bedtime, every night. It is completely ridiculous but since I am stepping into a “man’s world”, I might as well enjoy being a full on girl while I can.

I have not slept very well the last couple of nights, have been listing everything that needs to get done, before I go. Or If I should bring some more clothes, do I need a lot of tampons? (Not only for the “Lady In Red”, but potential nosebleeds?). And when I sat on the bus from Oslo to my hometown on the West-coast (that is an 9 hour drive..), I finally got some sleep, at least until this very “wonderful” lady wanted to sit next to me and chat about everything not- interesting. She was a nice woman indeed, but in public transport and long drives I prefer silence and my own thoughts.

– Oh and by the way, the american storm that I finally thought the Norwegians did not have to participate in, just continue it’s way towards the north.. Just in time for the recruiting week.

What If I’m asleep when I’m awake, and awake when I’m asleep

– If everything  I thought was real, was just a dream. And every dream was in fact not a dream but real?.

I had this dream, and it felt
so real. Almost like I was lying in a coma and falling in and out of sleep.
I remember taking the bus home, I was alone in the bus. And the scenery around me was similar to the bus route I take almost every day.  Now this is what happened next, the bus is getting out of control and driving too fast. I start to think about the fact that I may die in my dream, so I get these flashes of memories running through my mind. At the same time the bus drives out of the road, and everything moves in slow-motion as the bus is in the air towards the field underneath me. I remember that I need to move my body in the right positions as I am getting closer and closer to crashing on the ground inside the bus. Not to get injured too badly.
As I lay there, everything slowly turns black. And it gets really dark.

– What strikes me is that usually I wake up when something like this happens to me, but this dream was different.

I felt the darkness for a bit, until I felt a striking of pain throughout my limbs.
My eyes opens up and I spot a person in front of me. I look to the sides and I appear to be in a hospital bed with wires around me. I get to look myself in the mirror and my body is covered with stitches and bruises. I’ve got a black eye, and a distinguished scar on my forehead.

All of a sudden the nurse comes along and tells me I have been lying in the hospital for months. I was injured from the bus- accident. I look in the newspaper  and there I am, ” 21 year old girl, still critically injured”.
When she told me, I remembered some memories from the life that is, and still are very real to me. The life where I am sitting on my bed writing everything down from this dream I was dreaming as we speak. It may sound strange but in a way I managed to create a direct link from my dream to reality. 

It is nothing new that I have managed to gain quite a lot of control of my dreaming, so therefore it is always harder for me to separate from when I am dreaming. Sometimes they feel so real, I swear I could live two separate lives. But which one of them is real?

Back to the story; Some how I was convinced that I actually was injured, and when I woke up I could feel everything just hurt. The question now were, was I still dreaming? 

 Would I call this a nightmare? – No. No matter how weird it sounds, I was so fascinated about every aspect of my dream. It felt like I could control everything that happened to me, and I also thought a lot while I was dreaming. Everything was so extremely vivid, and the fact that I could say that my current life did not exist, it was only a dream, in my dream! About my “real” life that is.

So that’s why I wonder, what is real and what is a dream? One of the many unanswered questions of life, that every person has thought of and the philosophers has studied for thousands of years. 

Deep shit today people, enjoy!

Progress

Okay so it’s officially winter here in Norway, and – 10° outside…

Motivation re-boost

In terms of the recent change in weather, my motivation also needed a boost so I said enough is enough and went to see a personal trainer. The importance of asking for help or inspiration when you feel lost is never a bad thing. My personal trainer gave me a good pep- talk followed by a training-routine focusing on my upper body and arms. I do not have as much strength as I would like on my upper body versus the lower body.

What I am really shocked about though, is how fast I have progressed in the terms of building strength and muscles in my upper body, as well as my thighs and – for the love of my own buttocks lately. Progress is good, and I am thrilled but I need to be thankful for my body type. My body is firmly built so building muscles isn’t as hard for me either. But it is weird to watch myself in the mirror, slowly changing from this obese young teenager in my younger years, to this.

I have seen what food can do to a person, and I will never go back to where I was when I was fourteen- years old.

“You are what you eat”

“The Terminator”

I actually feel like terminator sometimes, but off course I am exaggerating .

 My face looks like a blowfish about to blow up – But really how good do you look when your training, and in this case flexing the best I can, face and all..?  But seriously going to the gym is an adventure in itself, my routine involves some laying chin-ups, over in the “body pumping area”. As I am glancing towards the end of the gym, slowly approaching everyone stares and awaited my next move. When I got to the right place,I felt everyone staring, judging and believe me for them nothing is impressive. But what the heck, I got it out of my mind and tried to refocus, after that I ran around the gym, turning into gymzilla – sweating, pumping and breathing heavily. Then it actually came to me, that I am not here for everyone else but for myself. I am all that matter, and all of those arrogant body builders, started from scratch and built their way up. – It occurred to me, that in a few years I might be the one staring and smiling, just thinking of the good old times when I couldn’t even do 3 pull-ups. 

You have been given life to live it, not doubt it.

“Nothing can hurt you if you keep in control of your own mind” The other day someone started questioning my choice of education. The person doubted my abilities and strength to really “walk the mile”. – I am well aware …

Remeniscing

It’s the final countdown, right after christmas on January 7th I am joining the Norwegian Army. Am I nervous – Yes. Excited of what awaits me? Here’s the deal, I have been dreaming of joining since I turned 13 years …